Differences should not make a Difference
Differences are something we all have in common. It makes us unique, an individual,… human. So many people have thoughts based on ignorance, because they simply don’t know someone or personally understand them and then try to get others to express these same thoughts. You can read my Thoughts on Ignorance Is Bliss here. Often, it is only to justify one’s own self, to give value to their thoughts, by having others give it validity. Even though, they most likely heard it from you. “I’m not the only one who feels this way or says anything, so I must be right”, kind of thinking. Drawing attention to yourself, giving you a feeling of superiority and making you feel your doing the world a favor. Here’s a thought, there is nothing wrong with keeping opinions to yourself.
Different-not the same as another or each other; unlike in nature, form, or quality
Differences-the quality or condition of being unlike or dissimilar.
Certainly, we have the choice of choosing to associate ourselves with someone on a personal level, there is no harm in that. If your thoughts or opinions begin to cause harm, either directly or indirectly, then perhaps you should be a bit more judgmental towards the one who looks back at you in the mirror. Take a little time to have a few thoughts about yourself. I don’t understand those who criticize someone just because they are different and then do what you can to see that others jump on your band wagon. Divide and conquer perhaps?
It makes you a target for the same criticizing behavior, by those who do not agree with you or have a different point of view or thoughts on the matter. It kind of defeats the purpose. There is no need to start a war between differences, bystanders will also feel an impact as well, it may even be someone you care about. What if someone you care about, really likes someone or has a family member who is a lot like someone you are bashing, just because they are different. More often than not, this person would rather distance themselves from you, rather than abandon or hurt someone whom they care about. People tend to lean more towards protecting and standing up for the one who is doing no harm. After all, those who are so aggressive and judgmental may very likely turn on you one day as well, if you simply choose to be yourself and NOT just like them.
School is about to begin soon and many children are terrified of the day they must return. They live in fear, are usually quite sad and lonely, looking for any way out that can end these feelings. Children or adults, that tend to kick someone who is already down, are angry, frustrated and seek out superiority by means of inflicting fear in others. Those who seek a way out, often mirror their tormentors, which can often lead them to feeling angry, frustrated and wish to seek vengeance on those who have cause them so much grief. It is what was done to them, so it must be what is necessary to resolve the situation. “If you can’t beat them, join them”, way of thinking.
Do not allow or condone this kind of judgmental behavior from your children. Remember that these children have parents and others in their lives, that love them very much, just as you love your own child. Do not let another child like Daniel, feel his only way out, is with a gun. Lead by example, by not being harsh to those you simply do not know. Be mindful of what you say and do. Studies show that bullies are often produced at home. Inconsistencies in parental discipline and allowing your child to get what they want when acting out may very well produce a bully one day. It works at home, so they use these methods when not at home as well.
They have a choice to either be friends or to not be friends with someone. Remind them not to be ignorant. Picking on someone who is heavy, is not going to make them any thinner. Bashing someone that comes from a family that is financially struggling, will not bring them wealth. Kicking someone when they are down, will not pick them up. Tormenting someone who is not attractive to you, will not make them more appealing. Someone with different sexual orientations will not suddenly change because of your actions. These actions only causes them harm and to harm someone, just because they are different will not make everyone alike. You can not fix someone’s differences by causing them grief, so if your not trying to help, what is motivating your behavior? Are you so small and weak that you must stand upon those you defeat to rise above the rest? Perhaps you should be the target of this kind of behavior, after all you are choosing, of your own free will, to behave this way. Those who are different, may not have a choice. If it is a choice and they are not causing harm to anyone, do they not have a choice to be as they wish and live their life as they so choose? “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all”, is not a bad rule to follow.
Remind children, that they could very well be closing the door on the best friend they may ever have, if they will simply take the time to learn what really makes them tick. My best friend is over weight and I love her to pieces. We have been friends since high school and if I had rejected her or tormented her because she was not like me, then I would have lost out on her being part of my life all these years. This would have been a great loss for me. Bullies in reality are actually just a big looser, because they they are placing so many limitations upon things around them.
If a child at school should take their own life, or anyone for that matter, because of how others have made them feel is tragic. These people have every right to be different as well as being able live their life in peace. They are doing no harm. The one’s who are so judgmental and cruel are doing harm, by choice. Which is a far greater offense than simply being over weight, poor, sad, homely or simply different. One day these kids may become athletic, wealthy, upbeat or beautiful, if they are able to survive what has been inflicted upon them, it will often make them stronger and far superior than those who have tormented them. Those who inflict harm and or despair, will always be, weak and ignorant. Compassion will always take you further than cruelty. It is far more rewarding. Build your character on compassion, understanding, wisdom and kindness. Don’t build it on animosity, intolerance, ignorance and cruelty. There would be no choice, as to which I would choose. How about you?
If you are a victim of bullying, please don’t give them the power they so desperately seek. You are far better than they are and should take a great deal of pride in knowing this about yourself. Remember the bully is a minority, not a majority. If they can gain nothing from their actions, they tend to move on. What they say or do is a quest to accomplish something and if there is no reaction to their actions, there is no longer any point to continue.
I too was a target of bullying when in school. I was tall, skinny, had buck teeth and full of energy and zest for life. The things kids would say to me or about me would hurt my feelings a great deal. Once I took a good look at myself and took a good look at those who tormented me, there was no comparison, as to which person I would rather be. I chose me, because I would much rather be who I was, than to be anything like them. I ended up winning in the end. Once I got my teeth straightened, filled out, in all the right places, did not retaliate in any way against my aggressors, they no longer targeted me, yet instead decided they wanted to be my friend. I allowed them to get to know me, but never allowed them to be anything more than a social acquaintance. Some even wanted to date me, there was no way that was ever going to happen. I was the same person on the inside, just looked better on the outside. If they didn’t like me then, there must be only superficial reasons for liking me now. They had shot themselves in the foot, closed doors that I had the power to open and refused to give up the key. I held a power far greater than any power, they once thought to have gained over me. I had no regrets, they were the ones who now held those and would have to lie in the bed they had made. They were the real “losers”.
Keep in mind, that school is a very short term in our lives and we have no choice, as to who we attend school with. We do have a choice as to how we handle it. Don’t become like them and try to force acceptance of any differences and stoop to their level by means of retaliations or make attempts to make them understand. This is exactly what they are doing. They are trying to gain strength by defeating you. You will not gain strength by defeating them. You will gain strength by strengthening you character and simply ignoring their ignorance. If there is something you dislike about someone, make real sure that you do not display these same traits in yourself. We are all entitled to our own opinions, but that is all they are. They are “Yours” and yours alone and should remain as such. Keep your opinions to yourself. I’ve met a lot of people throughout my life and quite honestly, there are many I do not like very much. I do not understand why those I do not care for, are the way they are. I do not have the power make them change, only they can do that, but I do have the power to see that I am not like them. I have the power to include them or not, in my life and I will execute this power at will. You will have choices that you may not have while in school and you will have the choice to surround yourself with people that are NOT like those, whom you do not wish to associate with. You will be more powerful, happier and much better for it in the long run, I promise.