What Causes Our Fear
Why is it some people fear spiders and some fear clowns? What dictates our fears. To be afraid of something so small or someone who likes to make people laugh is a bit of a mystery to me. Fear is often an uncontrollable emotion it seems. Many people say you can overcome your fears, but I don’t believe this it actually true. You can get a sense of understanding as to why you fear something and cope with your fears, but to overcome a fear is extremely difficult to do. If you believe something is going to cause you pain or discomfort it causes fear. The unknown can cause fear as well.
I use to be afraid of the darkness when I would be outside at night as a kid. I can’t count the times I would go next door to my grandmother’s house and run as fast as my legs would go. I couldn’t open her door fast enough to get safely inside. I would actually get tears in my eyes. I thought for sure a bear or some other creature was going to chew me to pieces. If I went slow and quiet, I may startle something that could attack, so I chose to run my tail off every time. If I were with someone I was not afraid. I found comfort and security in their composure. They were not afraid, so I was not afraid. Same as when I’d be alone in the house at night, I had to close all the curtains, so nothing outside would be able to see a potential meal. If I wasn’t alone, I was fine and felt no need to close the curtains. I still fear being alone outside in the dark, but can talk myself into believing all will be just fine.
I have learned to cope with my fear, you can often cope with fears that are unwarranted. There was no real cause for my fear. No one had ever been eaten by anything in our quaint little town before, so why would this cause such fear within me. Just as a fear of clowns and spiders, really has no just cause, yet many are still terrified. Fear, when it has given you cause for fear nearly everyone has. It’s just common sense to be afraid of someone setting you on fire. If you do not fear something like this, you are probably incapable of feeling a sense of fear. If another emotion is stronger than your fear, you will often put your fears aside and allow your stronger emotion take over. It may even be a greater fear than the one you were facing, which usually involves your love for another. I have many fears and I have to wonder if they do not actually get in the way at times when it comes to decisions I make. When I got divorced I was afraid to be alone, but I had an even greater fear of remaining married to him. My fear of being alone is still there, but I’m coping.
No matter how you look at it though, fear is fear of the future. You fear what has not yet happened. Not knowing for certain causes more fear than anything else. We try to take precautions to alleviate some of our fears, but what are we to do when no matter how hard you try, you still live in fear of what you have no control over. We learn to cope and we let our other emotions become stronger in order to keep our fears suppressed. Be sure to remember that people have different fears. If you are fortunate enough to not fear something from day to day, consider yourself to be fortunate. Those who live with fear every day, do what they can to cope and would do about anything to make that feeling of fear go away and some times the only answer is more terrifying than their current situation.
Don’t be too judgmental of those who appear to simply not try hard enough, it may just be fear that is keeping them where they are. For instance, a drug addict has a fear of what coming clean will mean, what they will have to go through, is often just too much to even consider that route. Perhaps the drugs are what allow them to block their fears, it’s not always as simple as some may think. I see street dwellers and drug addicts and use to wonder “why on earth anyone would live in such a way”. Who really knows other than them and even sometimes they choose not to remember what drove them to this place in time. They are finding some kind of peace of mind, they are catching a bit of happiness how ever they can. Are not all people entitled to this? Give to those who help the homeless and drug addicts, alleviate a fear of being cold or hungry, give them a bit of joy if you can. Don’t be afraid to give, your not an enabler, without help, they will simply have less joy. A friend of mine once gave $10.00 to a homeless woman. We saw her about a half hour later, she was smiling and had met up with what appeared to be her partner, she had a small bottle of booze she had shared with him and placed it back in her pocket. For the moment they are happy, harming no one other than themselves.