A Word I Know All Too Well
I can’t seem to get a break no matter what I do. I try so hard, I try to foresee things that can possibly go wrong to eliminate the possibility of it happening and it never fails, I get blindsided. I’m doing all I can with what I have to get back on my feet and one thing after another seems to get in the way. Some times I believe fate or destiny, what ever you want to call it, is hell bent on my life being just plain difficult. The greater the obstruction, and the greater the will, the more the frustration is likely to build. I am frustrated beyond belief right now.
I go to get in my van to mail some packages and I had no power steering. I look under the hood and my belt came off some how. Not broken, worked fine when I parked it. What are the odds? Just an example of my luck. I seem to have plenty of it, just not usually the good kind. It couldn’t do this a few days ago, it has to happen when my daughter has plans to go up north. I’ll have no alternate mode of transportation now. There goes what little I had saved to buy products I can sell and hopefully not what I need to live on the next couple months. I have to get it fixed. I wanted to go to the doctor tomorrow to see if I have strep, been very sick for nearly a week now. Looks like I have to put that on hold now. My oldest daughter an her boyfriend are coming late Wednesday night and I don’t even have my turkey yet. I didn’t have any place to keep it, since my fridge is missing a shelf. I don’t dare ask what else can go wrong, I’m sure it’s something.
To Add To My Frustration
I get a letter from the IRS a couple days ago. Surprise, surprise, my ex is at it again. He lied to me about amending his tax return, because he was no allowed to claim our son on his taxes and he had done it anyway. He told me he was going to fix it. Well, he didn’t and he is going to do all he can to make it look like I didn’t have him for over half the year, which I did. I had him 200 nights and I am entitled to claim him. I’m not real concerned about it. I have proof. I saved all our text messages and they say what days we met to exchange the kids. This may be one of those gift horses. Perhaps he will finally get a little of what he has coming to him. I hope they fine the crap out of him, audit his taxes and finally get caught in a few of his numerous lies. I swear, if he gets away with this, I’ll lose any faith what-so-ever in our legal system. He lied to the courts and got away with it. He can’t get away with lying to the IRS too. It is so frustrating to know the truth and have no one believe you, or have no way of proving it. My major frustration is seeing someone who lives their life based on lies, manipulations and selfish intent, come up with the winning hand. I can not live my life in such a way. If that’s what it takes to stay on top of things, I’ll never see the light at the end of the tunnel and I might as well just throw in the towel and give up. Doing what is right, will get you no place. Please tell me this is not true!
My frustration with life is getting the best of me it seems. I’ve never had an easy time of it and that’s given me the strength to get through one rough time after another, but as I get older my options get fewer and further between. I seriously can not keep up the pace I’ve been going. What am I missing? What on earth am I doing wrong? Maybe I should just give up and quit trying. If I keep my obstructions smaller and lose my will to get past them, perhaps I won’t have so many frustrations in my life. After all, if you just don’t care any more, it won’t matter any more either. Easier said than done, when what you care about most are the people you love and they count on you to take care of them. I can’t seem to win for losing.