Pay Attention
-I realize it’s hard to buy a gift for a woman when your a man. A woman’s idea of the perfect gift is often quite different than what a man may see as the perfect gift. The best gift I ever received, was from a boyfriend I had only been dating for a few months after my divorce was final. He paid attention to what I wanted. He wrote it down, this is crucial. If you don’t write it down, you will forget. As long as I can remember I wanted a nice down comforter for the bed. Keep in mind, I’ve always lived on a tight budget and this was something I would never just go and buy for myself, unless I could find one dirt cheap on sale and happen to have the extra cash on hand to actually buy it. Another note to consider, women, especially a mom, living on a low income will feel guilty if they were to purchase something like this for themselves. If it is a gift, there will be no guilt attached and knowing that he actually paid attention to what I desire, will be an endearing gesture, hands down.
For me, when I would go to bed at night, kids all tucked in and the long day was behind me, it was finally “me” time. Crawling into bed was the best part of the day. I could finally relax and have time to myself. I usually never got much time to sleep. I’d go through all I needed to do the next day in my mind and clear my head so I could have a bit of time to dedicate to myself. I lived a rather hectic lifestyle, always trying to make the most of what little we had. It was always a challenge and it was usually time consuming. I put my children and my husband’s needs before my own on most occasions. If they were happy and taken care of, I had done what I set out to do. The day was over and I finally get to do something I wanted to do….SLEEP in comfort. Any mom of small children can tell you how important this is to them.
Men need to pay attention to things their wives or girlfriends express interest in. In May, she tells you she would really like to have something that she enjoys or wants to have, that is just something that would make her happy or puts any kind of spark in her eye, write it down. Keep a list in your wallet or in notes on your phone, so you will not forget about it. When a birthday or holiday rolls along, you will have a quick reference guide to assist you. Just asking “what would you like for your birthday”, and she gives you a few ideas, is not really what she wants. She wants you to surprise her with the thoughtfulness of not having to be told what to get her. Every year I was married to my husband, I knew exactly what I would be getting for Christmas. There was never much thought put into my gifts.
Gifts Just Can’t Fix Everything
I was married nearly 20 years and from the beginning of our relationship I had always expressed that I wanted a bird bath like my grandmother and mother had in their yards. It was never on my mind around Christmas time, because the ground was covered in snow, so I wouldn’t tell him it was something I wanted, plus, by now he should already know this. Every summer I’d express how nice it would be to have one, but it was after my birthday and Christmas was months away, so needless to say, I didn’t ever get one, well….not until he decided he should make an effort.
He knew I was extremely unhappy being married to him, not because he wasn’t thoughtful when it came to things I wanted, it goes much deeper than that. He bought me the bird bath I wanted, but he did it for all the wrong reasons. He did a rush job with the primer and paint, the primer was old and had a rusty tint to it that bled through the white paint, giving it a a rather icky brown streaking tint to the paint. I could clearly see, he did not do this for me, he had done it for himself. He didn’t want to lose me and was making a frantic effort to “buy” my love. Since his never buying me the right gift was not why I was unhappy, it meant nothing to me. He also tried to give me a new diamond ring to wear on my left hand, hoping it would make everything he had done over the years be forgotten. I refused the ring, it was just too late, I had lost all respect for the man, I no longer cared about what would make him happy. It was my turn and all I wanted was a husband that cared about what was best for his family, not only about what he felt was best for him. He never cared about making me happy, it was always all about him and his gifts he had offered were once again, all about him. A little tip guys, if your wife is turning 30, is expecting your third child….do not get her silverware for her birthday! I cried my eyes out that day. If he had kept a list, I’m sure my 30th birthday would be remembered differently. Come on, please have a little sensitivity when it comes to getting a gift for your wife. What goes around comes around…ya’ know?
No One Gift Is Perfect For Everyone
Every woman is different. You have to listen, watch and put a little thought in a gift you give someone you claim to love. If the gift is for a spouse, keep in mind, this person is a very important person in your life and your gift should reflect just that. It should be a gift from the heart. Getting her a gift that tells her she matters and all she does is appreciated, will be a gift that means something more than you will ever know. A small trinket box with a note inside telling her how much you love her, will mean something to her, if she cherishes little things from the heart, not every woman would be happy with this, but many would. This gift only works once, so don’t give her one every year, you can give her a note to put in the box every year, but if you do this, don’t forget to do it EVERY year.
When it comes to gifts for women, it has to come from the heart and in order to do this, you must put some thought into it. It has to reflect that she matters and you notice what she likes. Let her know you want to be the one that can provide for all her wants and needs. If she has a favorite sweater, dress or other article of clothing, get her something similar. Ask her why she likes it so much. Is it because it goes with everything? Is it because it fits just right? Is it because it’s soft and warm? Use something like a sizing cord to insure you get the right size when buying her something to wear. She will want to wear it, not exchange it for the right size in a few days. Take a minute to notice things that fit her well and she likes to wear it, use a sizing cord to take measurements and mark the cord. She will be impressed that you actually got the right size, that the sleeves aren’t too short, that it isn’t too small (sure, you’d like that sweater tighter, but she may not) or too big (definitely not good to get it too big).
The first of the year, start building her a charm bracelet. Get a new charm every month and you will have a very special gift to give her for Christmas. It tells her you thought about her every month of the year and this will let her know she matters to you. If she expresses she would like to have something, even if you do not see it as something that should make much of a difference in her life, it may mean a lot to her. She wouldn’t express that she wishes to have it, if she doesn’t and for you to remember that she wanted it, speaks volumes. Don’t get a cheap substitute if she specifically tells you she loves something that she would never buy for herself. If you can’t afford it this time, keep it in your notes and save up for it, so you can afford it the next time you get her a gift. Make it as important as something you want, if not more important. After all, will what you feel is important to you still be important if you did not have her in your life.
Keep in mind, there are thousands of people out there that would give anything to have someone special in their life. Your a very fortunate man or woman, if you have another person love you and want to grow old with you. It will only happen if you both make an effort and pay attention to one another’s needs and desires. Communicate to each other, not in anger or when your feelings are hurt, do it before it goes too far. Be constructive, not confrontive.
It’s Not Too Late
Take her out shopping to get get a gift or gifts for others. I know, shopping is not something most men like to do, but do it for her, do it for you. This is the perfect time to watch her reactions to things she sees or to listen to her express a desire to have something. Pick out things to show her as a gift for somebody else and see how she responds to it. You may be rather surprised at her reactions. Something you think is perfect, may be out of the question to her. This is an opportunity for you to spend some time together. It gets you involved in getting gifts for others. It gives her the sense that it’s not all on her, that you want to help her and spend time with her. Your a couple and if the gift is from both of you, don’t make her be the only one who cares. Getting gifts for people is a bit stressful and to have someone to bounce ideas off of and having someone to share this time with can make a big difference. Do not complain that it’s taking too long, that you hate being in the store with all those crazy shoppers, that everything cost too much. Do not keep saying, “here, lets just get them this and we can go”. A woman often puts a lot of thought into the gifts she gives, which should also tell you, she wants you to put some thought into the gift you give to her. Apply this to many aspects of your relationship and you’ll have a much happier marriage, I assure you. Pay attention to what matters to one another.
If you want to get her jewelry, pay attention to what she likes. Get her a mother’s ring with the birthstones of her children in it and make the gift from the children. She will know that it is a gift from your heart, even if the tag says to mom , from the kids. You can get her a necklace that signifies love in some way. She will love to wear it and when others comment on it, she will express with pride that she got it as a gift from the man in her life. It tells everyone she is loved and someone cared enough to tell the world he loves her and she will wear it to make sure it is seen by all. If she is not a big jewelry person, don’t get her new jewelry as a gift every time you give her a gift, it begins to take away from the meaning it signifies.
You can still get her practical things as gifts, but get her what she likes. Don’t always get what you would like or what you think is the best. The best is not always the most practical or most useful for her. If you get her a day at the spa pass, give her two, so she can take a friend along. You can get her slippers and that new fangled crock pot, but if you do, you better get her something that says “I love you” too. Depending on your financial situation, your circumstances, your goals your working on together and your lifestyle, the gift you give should be fitting. I’ve looked at gift ideas for various people and none of them will be worth the purchase or effort, if it isn’t fitting. I found one site that wasn’t promoting sales or giving examples of meaningless stuff. Sure they can spark other ideas or it may just be perfect, but you will only know this if you take the time to know if it is. Check out this post by the Huffington Post, if you want a few more ideas of what makes a woman’s heart flutter and how much it means to pay attention.
It’s been 4 years since I got that down comforter from that boyfriend I had and to this day, it’s still my most treasured and favorite gift I have ever been given. He paid attention to something I wanted. I didn’t have to tell him I wanted it for Christmas. I didn’t have to buy it myself and wrap it with a name tag from him. He heard me express the desire to have one and bought one that was very nice to give me. Every night when I crawl into bed, it feels so nice, it keeps me warm and I love it so very much. We may not be together any longer, but I still love that he cared enough to get me a gift that he had thought about. I was something I wanted, he paid attention and noticed my desire. I bought a duvet cover for it, so I could protect it and keep it looking like new. He even knew enough to get it a size bigger than the bed we had….I think his mom actually helped him with that part. Always get them bigger than your bed size. A king fits a queen so much better than a queen would.
Conclusion
Get her a gift that has meaning. Don’t get her that new vacuum that she needs or wants because the old one has seen better days. If you do get her something like that, you had better give her something from the heart after she opens that gift. One gift from the heart, that shows her you put some thought and effort in the gift, is a gift from the heart. One that signifies she means something to you and you do notice she has desires that you want to fulfill. Pay attention all year long, not just a week of two before the holidays. One single gift that comes from the heart is priceless, even if it is the least expensive thing she receives from you. She will cherish it, as though it was the world, because she will know you really do care about her and about what she desires.
It takes a bit of effort to pick out that perfect gift, so if she is worth the effort, be sure to give it your all. Money can’t buy love, it can’t buy that perfect gift, if you have no idea what it is. Pay attention to the woman in your life, to the mother of your children, to the one you love. Give her a gift that says more than, “here, I got you most everything on your list, Merry Christmas honey”. Get her a gift that says, I love you and I’m so happy your are here with me, you mean something to me.